Yo people! Long time no see! Surprised to see a new post in my blog? LOL! Well, I decided to blog after N weeks of ignoring it. (I can't even remember what was the last thing that I've blogged about! LOL!) I have nothing to blog about, okay! It's not like I purposely abandon it or something (well maybe I rather spend some time on Youtube videos but that is not the main reason for me to abandon my blog).
Nothing really has changed since the last time I blogged, I guess. I'm actually having a break now from my assignments which I have procrastinated and doing last-minute job. I have many things to tell, really, but I have no idea where to start. Well, let's just start from the friends around me.
It suddenly hit me recently that, all my friends around me are progressing and I'm still standing in the same spot not moving an inch. Many started dating now, including Miss Bully Stephanie Goh, Miss Funny and Dramatic Jeane and of course, Miss Calculative Shu who always give me the impression that she won't fall in love easily since she's too... Now what's that perfect word to describe her... Sane or intellectual? (whatever, that's not the point) I'm still here, single and available together with Jue Ann. LOL! Kinda funny, only both of us. I find it hard to accept and loneliness starts drowning me. Seeing all my friends always leave sweet messages on Facebook and on their MSN personal messages, and also listening to their complains about how, what and why their boyfriends did wrong, makes me feel a lil' sad. Some friends have been telling me that being single is good, less worries, more fun and more freedom, but its a girl's nature to wish and anticipate love right? I can't help but to anticipate sometimes seeing that they are so lovey dovey cuddling with their lovers. I want a guy who I can throw all my worries and comfort me too!
Being unable to see Abigail still makes me suffocate sometimes eventhough it has been 6 months, especially whenever I'm done with my assignments and tests. The free time to wonder gave me reason to cry at night because I missed her and other friends.It's not like the friends who are still around me now can't occupy my thoughts, just that Abigail means different to me. And she is now dating in Japan too, which kinda makes me feel lonelier. My pillows get wet sometimes in the middle of the night, not because I drool while sleeping (LOL!), but because I miss the friends that are away from me. Oh well, I'm trying to get over the fact that people around me are leaving slowly and sooner or later. And I pray every night that my mum will stop nagging me about getting a boyfriend. I don't think I need one now -.-
Yesterday night and the day before, I sat in front of the TV (I actually took the remote control and turn the TV on! Which is kinda miracle 'cause I don't like watching TV) and enjoy Music Bank and MAMA (stands for M.Net Asia Music Award, not my mother -.- I know this name is stupid, oh well. And f.y.i, they are some kind of Kpop award show). I alone sit in front of the TV, cheering for my idols to win and enjoying the performance which I can barely understand what they are saying. My dad, as usual, keep criticizing Kpop which I favour a lot; while my mum was busy sewing and repairing her clothes on the dining table. Suddenly she turns to me and says,"Don't you feel lonely? I think you're a loner. No one around you enjoys Kpop except you. You just cheer, shout, listen, and cry over a ballad song which you only understand the lyrics after Google-searching the translations alone. No one shares the same interest in you here. Well maybe your net friends, but in real life, you are alone in your Kpop world." I was shocked as she hit the fact, I am really alone on this.
Friends around me never share Kpop with me. Audrey did, but she focus 80% on Chinese songs. Abigail only shares Jpop with me but she's away in Japan now. My mum's statement turns me down and I start to lose my mood when watching MAMA. Furthermore, that god damn award sucks to the max. It's all corrupted and I can't keep swearing about it. Seeing the TVXQ trio receiving Best Asia Representative award on the screen makes my mood worse. Why didn't all the members of TVXQ attended? Why give them this award when they are having trouble now? Why aren't they having activities in Japan and Korea now? No new release, Yunho's drama rating dropped until they are forced to end it, no performance in Japan and MAMA but all negative issues regarding SM Entertainment and TVXQ.
I'm getting sick of this. Seriously.
I told Jo yesterday night, I can't keep waiting for them, keeping my faith like the Cassiopeia slogan, and can't accept the fact they are breaking apart. No more TVXQ. Maybe you guys think that I'm an obsessed fan girl, or maybe I really am. But this group is the first group ever that caught my eyes, drives me crazy, makes me wanna give up on my Europe trip when they are coming to Malaysia for a concert (which I didn't in the end. I was forced to aboard the plane by my mum. LOL! But I did count down when the concert starts by staring at my watch, standing infront of the famous wishing fountain which I forgot the name in Rome), and set a new record in my life with 250 replay counts in my iPod. I like them blindly and they aspire me a lot in my life, and seeing them in this kind of situation now really hurts me. Ok, enough of my fandom. I don't think you guys can understand me also.
I've come out with different views of myself recently. I'm deviant, different from other people; I can lock myself in my own little world and keep thinking of things which I am sometimes surprised with myself; and I am a loner, a real loner who suffer herself and unable to tell out 'cause I don't think anyone can understands me fully (my mum was right. I am a loner in my own world). Oh well, maybe I can get out of my own box one day and find someone who can truly understand me. (I'm not saying that Abigail, Jue Ann, Lauren and Charissa couldn't understand me, just that they don't know me and my weird likings, interest and "deviantness")
That's all for this blog post. I need to get my ass moving for Marilyn Monroe now. She's my Pop Culture assignment topic which I am burning the midnight oil and working last minute to pass up. Bye reader! See you again in my next blog post! (Which I think won't be in 2 weeks time 'cause knowing Ange Lee, she doesn't blog as much as others do. Oh well. TTFN! Tata for now! Huhuhuhu~)
Oh and, I saw the ding ding candy uncle grandpa today when I had dinner with my family. I oh so missed it! The uncle (now grandpa) used to sell it in front of the school and I will buy from him everytime I see him. But he dissappeared when I enter form 4 :( Mum said this type of traditional candy is going to extinct soon. That grandpa is the one and only ding ding candy seller in Seremban now.
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I want buttons in my life.
Not just any ordinary buttons,
But magical buttons to help me change my past, present and future.
I want a undo button,
To help me change my past,
Correct some mistakes and errors I've written in my life.
I want an erase button sometimes,
To leave a blank in my memory,
So that I will never ever remember the mistakes and stupid things I've done.
I want a redo button,
To make my life simpler by just pressing it,
Repeat the right things I'm doing so that people will never see my flaws.
I want a forward button,
Fast forward my life in the speed of light,
Help me fly through my bitter times and sorrow, so that I won't suffer longer.
I want a reverse button desperately,
Take me back to the time I'm happy,
Let me avoid the troubles I have to face alone and live in my past.
Will I face a delete button at the end of my life?
Will an enter button confirms every move I make?
Will an escape button take me away when I feel like ending this drama?
Will a pause button spare me more time to think and calm down before facing you?
A resume button which allows me to continue talking with you when I'm done counting from one to ten?
This are the buttons I wished after I met you.
Will you present them to me?
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I'm sitting in front of the laptop in the dark at 7 in the evening.
My roommate is sleeping with music on, Katy Perry's Hot and Cold is playing over and over.
It's very obvious that my laptop screen is the brightest object in this dark room.
I see a mosquito flying across through my laptop screen.
My dorm is having fogging out there and the noise of the machine sounds like the alien's invasion noise from War of the World.
This is so WTF -.-
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A celebrity...
A job where it's confirmed from the front, behind...and beside...
In front, they have fans who love them, and celebrities are smiling while watching those fans.
Behind them, there are several arrows flying at and piercing their backs.
Unintentionally, the flying arrows sometimes even pierce the fans that are in front.
On both sides, there are masses of people are watching over their front and back.
Even if their back becomes covered in blood from the arrows piercing from behind, they must smile for the sake of the fans that cheer them on and support them.
If they smile and work hard till the end, the public who's watching them on both sides will slowly move to the front.
However if they can't handle it, and if they're upsetted a little, (the public) moves to the back and even shoots arrows.
Celebrities don't know how many people are behind them, or what kind of people or what reason they have for shooting the arrows.
They're not allowed to turn around and find out either.
Because if they turn around, the fans in the front will become completely shocked when they see the arrows that pierced their back, and the moment they turn, their entire body will be struck with arrows...
No one knows what kind of people are shooting the arrows, what kind of expression they have, or what thoughts run through their minds as they shoot the arrows.
It's just that they simply enjoy the act itself, and they like it if new celebrities (especially ones with lots of past personal life) come out.
Celebrities...
They live on stage and die on the internet...a job where it's confirmed from front, back and side...
......that is a celebrity.
Quoted from Eunhyuk (Super Junior)
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Note: I have no idea why I wrote it in the first place, I just have the urge to express it after listening to TVXQ’s Holding Back the Tears -.- I had a hard time typing it, so, just endure the typos (if have any) and the weird Chinese grammar (My poorest language of all is Chinese. My SPM result proves that. I fail as a Chinese -.-)
变得模糊花白的图画 和完全被抹掉的我的香气
在耀眼的云彩中 慢慢地被遮掉
什么话都没有的我的心 慢慢地开始转移了
手上还残留着 从指缝之间逝去的时间
当初为何不选者挽留呢
我在忍着我的眼泪呢 轻松得带着心走着
希望在不近不远的地方 会有另一个我站着
那个我不哭了 嘴角会扬着
又一次合上两只手 在某一个不一样的地方
希望现在的我不是回忆而是生活
即使像傻瓜一样也要一直在一起
想逃离那痛苦
让我的泪水从全身流过 干涸
我仍在在泪水里活着呢 带着我的心轻松地走着
渴望在不近不远的地方 会有另一个我站着
希望那个我不哭了 不会在在回忆里挣扎着
我仍在忍着我的眼泪 沉重地带着我的信念跑着
看见再不高不低的地方 又有另一个我站着
我会用轻轻的声音哭着 为已成为过去的回忆哭着
却不会在回忆里活着
因为我哭过了
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RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to copy-paste this note, and answer all the questions. At the end, choose 15 people to be tagged - including the person who tagged you. (I'm so not going to tag anyone. You can reply the tag if you want)
ABC About You Questions:
A - AVAILABLE: Yea
B - BIRTHDAY: 1st Jan! SO give me my present!
C - CRUSHING ON: Hot guys :D
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Mineral water
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: The air
F - FAVORITE SONG: Genie and Etude - Girls' Generation, Beautiful - Colby O' Donis, No Surprise - Daughtry
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Bears
H - HOMETOWN: Seremban
I - IN LOVE WITH: My bed
J - JUGGLE: No
K - KILLED SOMEONE: Do you think I will be here if I did?
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: To Terengganu
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Chocolate
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2
O - ONE WISH: To be rich
P - PERSON CALLED LAST: Dixon
R- REASON TO SMILE: Silly and random thoughts
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Paranoid - Jonas Brothers
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 7.15
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR/PATTERN: Not telling
V - VEGETABLE(S): What do you mean?
W - WORST HABIT: Sleeping and unbalance diet?
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Once
Y – YOYOS ARE: Big round thingy attached to a piece of string
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Capricorn
Random Questions About You:
Spell your name without vowels: NG... Wtf?
What color do you wear most?: No idea
Least favorite color?: Maybe... Brown, I guess. No typical least favourite colour
What are you listening to?: Girl - Younha
Are you happy with your life right now?: Love it :D
What is your favorite class in school?: Pet Society Class a.k.a. CSC Class
When do you start back at school/college? : The day after tomorrow
Are you outgoing?: Hmm... Maybe?
Favorite pair of shoes?: Hmm... My heels... I guess
Where do you wish you were right now?: In bed
Can you dance?: I guess :D
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: Sadly, no. Never tried it before
Can you whistle?: :( No. It's a sad case
Write with both hands?: Nope
Walk with your toes curled?: Yup
THE DO'S:
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: Duh. Where do aliens come from?
Do you believe in miracles?: 'Cause you're my miracle~
Do you believe in magic?: Yes! So do some magic and make me rich now :D
Love at first sight?: Yes
Do you believe in Satan?: Yes. The devil
Do you know how to swim?: Yes
Do you like roller coasters?: Love it
THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane?: Yes
Have you ever asked someone out?: Yes. Friends. LOL!
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: Yes
Have you ever been to the ocean?: Yes!
Have you ever painted your nails?: I'm a girl. Duh
THE WHATS:
What is the temperature outside: Cold, I guess
What radio station do you listen to?: My FM, Hitz.FM, Fly FM, Mix FM
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Bistro Palma -_-
What was the last thing you bought?: Indon Mee
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: It's been... Quite a long time since I watched TV. Don't really remember
THE WHOS:
Who was the last person you IM'd?: Lauren
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: Myself. LOL!
Who was the last person you said I love you to?: Secret
CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: Yes
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Yes
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: Yes -_-
Do you cry when you get an injury?: Yes -_-
Do certain songs make you cry?: Yes...
I'm a cry baby after all
HAPPY SECTION.
Are you a happy person?: I guess
What can make you happy?: My favourite food, books, novels, my laptop, my iPod etc.
Do you wish you were happier?: Yes. I guess
Can music make you happy?: Not really
LOVE SECTION.
How many times have you had your heart broken?: Once
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: No -_-
LOOK AT ME.
What is your current hair color?: Brownish black
Current piercings?: One pair
Have any tattoos?: I wished I had one
Eye color?: Same as my hair
IN A BOY/GIRL:
Favorite eye color: Blue or gold
Short or long hair: Eh. Short
Height: Tall. 175+
Best clothing: Shirts?
HAVE YOU EVER
Been to jail: No. Who do you think I am?
Mooned someone: Don't get you
Ran away from home: Nope
Laughed so hard you cried: Teared a bit
Cried in school: Yes :(
Thrown up in a store: Yes. I was having a "windy" stomach
Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today: Yes
Gone skinny dipping: ...
THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke: Definitely Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's
Single or Group Dates: Depends
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Strawberries or Blueberries: ... Hard to choose
Meat or Veggies: Depends
TV or Movie: Movie
Guitar or Drums : Drums
Adidas or Nike: As long as I like the design
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Corn Flakes
Cake or Pie: Depends on my appetite
MTV or VH1: MTV
Why is this tag so long?
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The memories are beautiful, I don't ever wanna say GoodbyeHey yo my friends, especially Jue Ann, Chloe, Jeane etc. from secondary school: Do you miss the time we spent together?I've been browsing through my Friendster page recently and found some interesting photos which brings back a lot of memories during high school. Am I getting old?Am I tired of my present life?I choose to live in the past these daysThinking of the memories we spent togetherI'm satisfied with my present situationsWith new friends and new lifeAnd I'm grateful for what I'm givenAnd I'm grateful to all of you who made me who I amBut something inside keeps bothering meWhat have I missed in the past? I used to complain a lot on everything my parents decide for meBut I never realize that, all those decisions brought us togetherWe were young and naive onceWe were playful and rebellious beforeI missed the time when we were not bothered by problems and stressAnd I missed the days we fight with each otherThe photos in front of me brings back memories of a thousand wordsEach and every one of them captures our time and memoriesI remember the childish reason of our fights nowI remember because of you and the memoriesOur mistakes can be forgiven nowI choose to remember the good rather than the badMaybe because I've grown upEverything doesn't mean that much to me nowTake things slowly and take a deep breatheDo you still remember the silly trick we pull off?Do you still remember the tent we squeezed in when we chat till the dawn?Do you still remember the reason of our first fight?Do you miss the day we fight over for some silly reasons?And the little classroom which gathered all of us?I missed the times when we were youngAnd I hope you do too, my friend The Malacca trip with the juniors. We were seniors but we showed a bad example for being late. Do you still remember Miss Yap and Miss Liao's faces? They were red I accidentally knocked your head when pulling my bag from the shelf. A piece of heavy metal fell right on top of your head, causing you to lost your abilities in drawing. Do you still remember? You always put the blame on me since then  Our camp beside the lake. 8 of us squeezed inside a tent. I was shivering cold since I'm sleeping outside. It was the worst experience for me because of the Night Walk, leeches and public bathroom  Our extra class after school. Not much attended. Only few of us. But we had a great time with the teacher  Our farewell for the seniors. I still remember the act we played. Journey to the west of Puterians 4 Sigma of 2007. Half of the class is Chinese. We are proud to be Engineering Drawing students. I'm still keeping our class T-shirt and wear it oftenly. Do you?  The friend I've known for 13 years, since nursery till now, from January 1996 till 7th August 2009  Do you still remember my butterfly tattoo? I still prefer you in this picture. At least you were still naive  Jue Ann was always our photographer. We seldom see three of us in the same picture  I've grown up now and maybe more mature than before. Nothing in this world cannot be forgiven. I've decided to forgive you and sorry, my friend. You were my first friend in high school  We can go back to the past, but let's continue it and forget the harsh feelings
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问卷游戏规则：看完别人的问卷后，把所有的答案改成你自己的，然后寄给你认识的人，包括寄这封信给你的人。这个理论要说的是,你将了解你的朋友更多~~~~把邮件也寄回你的寄件人。你永远不知道你会从中学到些什么。 有空的话记得回复 ......
> 开始
= 你的名字: 李佳珉
= 现在几点:16：23
=你现在正在听什么歌: BoA - Be With You
= 在回答这封信前你吃过什么: 河粉汤
= 在回答这封信前你在做什么：Online
= 你现在在哪里: 房里
= 现在的天气如何: 阴天 （好想睡）
= 上一次吹蜡烛的数目: 8？9？忘了
= 你通常吹熄这些蜡烛的日期: ……
= 你们家养过什么动物: 狗、鱼、乌龟、Hamster
= 有写部落吗: 废话
= 星座： 山羊/魔羯
= 你有纹身吗: 没… 好想要一个
= 有打几个耳洞: 一对
= 目前有男/女友吗: 有
= 认为自己花心吗: 不懂
= 喝过酒吗: 我还和醉叻
= 喝醉的糗事: 乱讲话
= 曾经出过车祸吗: 打吉利事
= 喜欢目前的生活吗: 喜欢 :D
= 不爱吃的东西: 很多呵
= 喜欢吃的东西: 也很多
= 喜欢喝什么 : 很多
= 最喜欢的数字: 8
= 喜欢看哪一种电影类型: Chickflick
= 喜欢的卡通人物：Micky Mouse?
= 喜欢的品牌 : Dorothy Perkins, Forever 21, Nicole Collection...
= 最怀念的日子: 23.12.2007
= 伤心的经验: 忘了
= 最喜欢星期几: 星期五、星期六、星期日
= 最喜欢的季节： 春、秋、冬
= 喜欢的花: 玫瑰
= 喜欢的运动: 游泳
= 喜欢的冰淇淋类型: Chocolate, Sorbet, Mint...
= 最怕什么: 蛇、鬼
= 如果有来世: 人
= 最讨厌的事: 用华语在电脑打字 -.-
= 喜欢的事: 无所事事
= 专长的事: 睡觉
= 想做什么职业: Architect
= 你们家住几楼: 单层
= 觉得自己十年后会在哪里: Australia
= 无聊的时候你大多会做些什么: 上网+睡觉+发呆
= 目前最恼人的事: Assignment 和 Final
= 希望的事: 成为亿万富翁
= 觉得同性恋如何: ……
= 如果有人误会你: 随便
= 想过要怎么对付你讨厌的人吗: 不管他
= 通常几点上床睡觉: 不过十二点补睡
= 你觉得谁会先回这封信: 有心打华语的人
= 你觉得谁是最不可能回复的人: 沒有心打华语的人
= 你现在最想见的人: 周公
= 你想在几岁结婚: 25-30
= 有想过自杀吗: 有
= 最希望谁回信: 人类
= 想和收信者说的话是：打华语很麻烦
= 对这封信息的感想: TMD
=报告完毕=
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Contact: MSN or G Talk
Facebook: Ange Lee KaMien
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